Sex

So just in case anyone wanted to see my doc from last semester here it is!

Disclaimer:

I know this topic is rather controversial, but that’s the whole point of my piece. Also, I did get my topic cleared with Mr. Wall. I’m just apologizing now for the vulgar language used and the “racey” topic.

Sexually Reactive                     By: Emma Hanzelin

I find it funny that in the society we live in today we base half of our judgements of other people, based on things related to sex. We base our judgement on things like who they like to have sex with, if they've had sex, if they've had sex multiple times, if they appear to want sex, if they watch porn, etc. Society has cast a stigma on anything and anything sexual; specifically women who have had sex a lot. What I want to concentrate on is the slander that people face when they've had sex, enjoy having sex and have sex with a lot of people, and I want to get to the core question, why is it bad that they have sex?

I pooled information from the internet and from some friends and classmates to get a better understanding of how people felt on the subject of the sexual taboo. In person, it’s a much harder subject to approach without seeming “racy”, which just reinforces the idea of the sexual taboo. To conduct my research to find information, I started with the broadest subject of sexual taboo, someone who’s had a lot of sex.  

One thing I want to quickly bring up is the sexual taboo of swear words. I can think of 5 swear words that come from sexual situations. I just think it’s an interesting concept.

When thinking of the most commonly used slander against anyone who has sex a lot, you most commonly think of two words, slut or whore. When looking up the definition of slut you get a wide variety of views on its meaning. Here are some examples I’ve come across on the internet:

“a woman with the morals of a man”

“Someone who provides a very needed service for the community and sleeps with everyone, even the guy that has no shot at getting laid and everyone knows it. She will give him a sympathy fuck either because someone asked her to or she just has to fuck everyone she knows. These are great people, and without them sex crimes would definitely increase. Thank you slut, where ever you are.”

“A derogatory term. Refers to a sexually promiscuous person, usually female. One who engages in sexual activity with a large number of persons, occasionally simultaneously. Also refers to one who engages in sexual activity outside of a long-term relationship within the duration of said relationship. These sexual activities include but are not limited to: passionate kissing, manual stimulation of genitalia and/or breasts in the case of a female; oral stimulation of these parts; sexual intercourse. In some cases, used to refer to a woman who is wearing "skimpy" or tasteless clothing. Less commonly, used as a derogatory term by one female for another during periods of conflict.

Synonyms: whore, tramp. Derivations: slutty (adj.), sluttier/sluttiest (superlatives). Related Adjectives: easy; immoral; loose; cheap.”

“ girl thats fucked so many guys she cant close her legs anymore”

“there can be 2 definitions: one negative, the other positive...

1. a girl who has sex but does not enjoy it, who is used by guys and lets them do it. She does not have the self respect to make them stop.

2. a girl who likes sex, so she does it. She probably is not in a relationship, and she equalizes herself to guys by treating sex the same way they do.

The difference between the two examples of what society labels as "sluts" is that one has self respect, the other does not. No one should be called a slut anyway, especially when the name "slut" is a purely judgemental and stereotypical one, and no one really knows the real story behind it all, which is pretty much always the case.

"She has sex...therefore she must be a slut."

I completely disagree with that, but thats how society sees it.”

“10 Examples of Sluts:

1. The cheap whores you pick up off the streets in Las Vegas, and L.A.

2. Christina Aguilera, is the epitome of a bona fide slut, due to her ghastly appearance, freakishly grotesque display of makeup, and the provocative outfits she dons before each show. See skank

3. Anna Nicole Smith. Need I say more?

4. Porn Stars.

5. Strippers.

6. Gold-digging bitches.

7. Dumb blondes.

8. Manipulative, cheating girlfriends.

9. Women with a pretentious attitude.

10. Women with fake boobs.”

Of course on the internet with fake names to hide behind you can see people's true opinion, which differ very much from each other. The fact that most of these examples imply that it’s only women that carry the sexual stigma is something I want to discuss later.

When I asked a couple of my classmates to please define a slut they give me answers all revolving around the same general concept:

“According to society, a slut someone who has a lot of unprotected sex.”

“People think of sluts as white girls who get around. Like do a lot of stuff with boys sexually.

“I would say a slut is someone who makes themselves super available, and acts on it. Except some people actually call people sluts even when they just make themselves look like one. like ‘oh she dresses like a slut’.”

“One who gets around in a sexually promiscuous fashion, usually perceived negatively by society. Also usually considered to be a woman, stereotypes and double standards, you know.”

Comparing the views of my classmates to that of strangers on the internet, my classmates seem to have a more open interpretation of their ideas. There is also the fact that sex, and anything remotely sexual is a taboo to talk about in normal conversation, so some of them were a little uncomfortable with discussing sexual stereotypes so openly, but once I got the conversation started they all seemed to be more comfortable with discussing the topic.

Going further into the stereotype of the slut, I wanted to see if I could get a general consensus as to how this type of person would dress. I got a wide variety of answers that could describe any type of person like:

“Booty shorts with their cleavage hanging out and showing, their makeup done.”

“Or even just tight pants.“

“Or when you’re wearing leggings and you have a butt. You have the shape of a round thing on your back and people will call you a slut because you have a butt.”

“Or if people just don’t like you they’ll call you a slut.”

“Heavy eye make up”

“People who are jealous of you will call you a slut”

“If you take someone else’s man then you are a slut”

“Just having big boobs in general. Like a lot of people don’t know how to dress with that like they try but it doesn't always work out and it’s just the fact that if someone with smaller boobs wore that shirt she wouldn't be called a slut, but some people would.”

Obviously, there isn’t one personification of a slut, but the general connotation of a slut is a bad one. When I asked them to describe the actions of someone who was labeled as slut, there wasn’t a lot mention of gender, but when I asked them to describe their appearance, the resounding stereotype was that a slut is a female.

One of the stereotypes you’ll most often encounter with society is the double standard of when guys have a lot of sex, and when girls have a lot of sex. The stereotype is that if guys have a lot of sex, they’re looked up to like they’ve achieved something good. On the other side of the coin, if a girl has a lot of sex, she’s looked down upon and labeled negatively by society.

For example, when celebrities have naked photos leaked. Here is one reaction to the recent “scandal” of when old Disney Channel star Dylan Sprouse’s naked pictures got leaked:

“Anyone else notice how when Dylan Sprouse nude pictures are leaked people are like this is awesome look how well they are handling it, but when Miley or any other girl’s nudes get leaked people are like ‘what a whore, she’s on Disney Channel think of the kids, have some respect for yourself.’”

This stigma explains itself. There is a huge difference between a girl who does something sexualy, and a guy who does something sexualy.

The whole concept of judging anyone based on past/present sexual encounters brings up two questions:

1) What does a person having sex and your respect for them have in common?

2) What is so bad about having sex with a lot of people?

When posing the second question I got a resounding answer from my classmates:

“Nothing.”

“You know, I think it’s been given a negative connotation because of diseases or something, but really, if that’s something you enjoy. Like, if I enjoy painting,. I’m going to paint a lot. If I have sexual relations with a lot of men and that just really makes me happy at the end of the day, then I’m going to do it a lot.”

“Well, it comes out of two things. One, I think that some people think that people who have sex a lot are stupid, because there can be so many bad consequences. Like you automatically think of them as stupid, like why would you make such a dumb mistake? The second thing is that I think it comes out of, at least in high school, girls who are jealous.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having safe sex a lot. If you want to do it go for it. Even with several different people, if that’s what you want.”

”I think it’s only bad when you’re doing it for unhealthy reasons, or cheating on someone.”

The answer was pretty agreed upon, that having a lot of sex, if that gives you emotional fulfillment, is not a bad thing. Most of them talked about how they have been conditioned to judge people based on the fact that they’ve had sex, and that that is a bad thing. When I got down to it and asked that hard question, they all thought about it and came to realize nothing is wrong with that.

Part of the problem with snap judgments and the negative stigma that goes with being someone who has a lot of sex (mostly women are judged), is that no one stops to think about where these morals come from. Why is it okay to shame a woman or man for having a lot of sex? Why is it such a bad thing to have a lot of sex? The 1985 movie The Breakfast Club had a really appropriate quote for this topic.  

This shows that not only is there a stigma for having had sex, there’s also a stigma for not having had sex. There’s no really way to get around the slander thrown at people about sex. Which brings me back to my first question, what does a person having sex and your respect for them have in common? I have some quotes that I found that I appreciate and agree with on the topic of having sex and respect:

“I don’t understand why so many people associate sex with self respect... a girl likes sex, so can’t respect herself in the process? People have different values and different morals. What you see as an intimate act of love, another can see it as a spontaneous recreational activity. Suppose people put painting and art on that level, some people are extremely passionate about what they do, while others do it just because it’s fun and something to do, are you going to shun the ones who do it for fun because they were not passionate enough? Just because it’s something like they like to do? A girl can have sex without being looked as a sad story of a girl with little respect for herself.”

“i just really don’t get people who insist that women who dress “slutty” or “revealing” don’t deserve respect. how did we arrive at this concept? who thought this rule up?

"how much of your skin is showing? oops, that’s a little bit too much, you don’t deserve basic human treatment.”

The questions really bring up the main point, having sex doesn’t define you. Everyone has their different viewpoints and different thoughts on when it’s appropriate to have sex, but if you’re comfortable with what you’re doing, then go for it. Sex is made out to be such a huge deal by society when it really isn’t. I think that once everyone realizes that sex doesn’t define you, it will take away a huge portion of the conflict that goes on between humans.

Another part of the problem is that people just can’t accept the fact that other people have different opinions. Some people want to be in a fully committed monogamous relationship before they have sex, but other people are fine having sex with someone they don’t know. The conflict comes into play when one person thinks they’re better than the other, or that they have more fun or better morals. The truth is, everyone’s the same. If you find enjoyment in sex anywhere, then you go have sex with anyone. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, then that is not a problem and you don’t have to do that. The most important things are that you're comfortable, it’s consensual on both ends, and that you practice safe sex. I’m not going to tell you what to do, you need to find that out for yourself, but I’m not going to judge you for your decision.

The main problem we find, is that society is just very sexually reactive. It’s a giant taboo and it has no reason to be, but society reacts to anything to do with sex. It’s a completely natural way of life, and don’t let anyone tell you what is right or wrong for you because of some moral that society has created.

My last note is for anything in life: If you don’t enjoy doing it, then why are you?